dwell

1

: to remain for a time

2

a

: to live as a resident

b

: EXIST, LIE

3

a

: to keep the attention directed 

b

: to speak or write insistently

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dwell

The way the world is, it is so easy to dwell upon the things around us. It can be rising prices, insecurity, health problems, natural disasters, wars, relationships, anything. If I ask you to make a list of all the problems you see in the world you would take all day to finish it. There is so much trouble. So many negative things that we can dwell on. And we should think of these things, we should be praying about these things. But should we be dwelling on them? Should we be living in them? Should be directing our attention to them? Should we remain in them? Should we constantly be talking about them?

8Finally brothers, whatever is true,  whatever is honorable,  whatever is just,  whatever is pure,  whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence  and if there is any praise — dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

Paul clearly tells us what we should be dwelling on. Where we should be living. We should be focused on these thing. Give your time and your attention to these things. The things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, of moral excellence, worthy of praise. These things, the things of God, this is where we are to dwell. Now, imagine I asked you to write a list of these things, how long would it take you to finish?

In short, let us refocus, let’s reevaluate where we are dwelling. If you are in the wrong place (as I often am), how can you redirect your attention to the things God calls us to dwell upon?

“1They set out from Elim, and all the congregation of the people of Israel came to the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had departed from the land of Egypt. 2And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, 3and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”” Exodus 16

The Israelites just got out of Egypt, a place where they were literal slaves, and here they are already complaining. They are actually saying that they prefer to live in Egypt because they are starving. Their complaining is something we do often and a conversation for another time, but let’s look at how God provides.

“4Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold, I am about to rain bread from heaven for you, and the people shall go out and gather a day’s portion every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in my law or not.” Exodus 16 God is going to provide a miracle in order to give them the food that they need. He will rain down bread from heaven. But He has rules about this. “5When the people of Israel saw it, they said to one another, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. And Moses said to them, “It is the bread that the Lord has given you to eat. 16This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Gather of it, each one of you, as much as he can eat. You shall each take an omer, according to the number of the persons that each of you has in his tent.’” 17And the people of Israel did so. They gathered, some more, some less. 18But when they measured it with an omer, whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack. Each of them gathered as much as he could eat. 19And Moses said to them, “Let no one leave any of it over till the morning.” 20But they did not listen to Moses. Some left part of it till the morning, and it bred worms and stank. And Moses was angry with them. 21Morning by morning they gathered it, each as much as he could eat; but when the sun grew hot, it melted.”

They must go out and gather every day. And they must gather enough for each day, not too much and not too little. (This is with the exception of the 6th day in order to keep the Sabbath v22-26.) We can see that everyone had enough. We also see that those who did not listen to Moses and tried to hold onto it for tomorrow learned the hard way. Their manna grew worms and stunk. It couldn’t last longer than a day. And it melted in the sun, the heat was too much for it to withstand.

Again in Deuteronomy 8:3 the Bible talks about manna, “And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” Man does not live by bread alone. This can be a confusing concept. Of course, you don’t live on only bread, sometimes maybe you want something to go with the bread. But this is not what the Bible is talking about. The Bible isn’t telling you to add some peanut butter and jelly, it says we live by every word from the mouth of the Lord. We understand this better in the book of John.

John 6:48-51, Jesus is speaking here, “48I am the bread of life. 49Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”“

Jesus is the bread of life. He is the bread that came down from Heaven. God provides for us in another way, in a more fulfilling way. In the Old Testament, manna came from Heaven to provide for the Israelites but in the New Testament, Jesus is sent from Heaven to provide for us all. Jesus is the bread that allows us to never die but have eternal life. In the same way that the Israelites needed to seek out manna every day, we need to see out Jesus each day. We cannot expect yesterday to hold us over today. We must go to Him and receive our daily bread. The great blessing is that every morning when we go out to seek Him, He will be there, waiting for us.

While I was in the states, I had the pleasure of witnessing a young lady be baptized. I don’t know her but I was very impressed with part of her testimony and her honesty. She admitted that since being saved, things had been hard. It wasn’t like the Lord came into her life and everything was suddenly better. That takes courage to admit, courage a lot of us do not have.

There’s something important in that, something that we all need to note. Just because you are a Christian, that does not mean that your life will be easy.

One of the greatest examples of this is the apostle Paul. If you look back to when he was Saul, he was a respected member of society, someone who things most likely came easy to based on his citizenship and job. (Acts 22:3) And then he became a Christian and started working for the Lord. When he starts traveling to different places to share the Word, here is what he says: “except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. ” Acts 20:23. The Holy Spirit is telling him bad things are going to happen to him wherever he goes. Imagine, you just gave your life to Christ and are now working to share Him with others and you know this will bring you problems.

And that is what happen to him, we can read all about it. Paul shares many, many accounts of suffering he faces. (Acts 21:27-36, 22:22-30, 23:2, 35, 24:1-9, 25:2-3, 7, 26:24, 27:11, 42, 28:3-4, 16) Perhaps there is more that he went through that is not recorded, we don’t know. He gives us a summary of his suffering in 2 Corinthians 11:24- 27 “24Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26in journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27in weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.”

And yet, Paul was not discouraged, he continued to work to share the Gospel. Just as we do not need to be discouraged, but need to continue to share the Good News. All of the suffering in the world is worth it if one more person comes to know the Lord. And there will be suffering, we know this. Everyone will suffer in his or her own way.

But we have a promise, one that we cannot forget. In Matthew 25, Jesus shares of the judgement to come. This is our great promise. “31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: 32and before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: 33and he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. 34Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35for I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: 36naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. 37Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. 41Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: 42for I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: 43I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. 44Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? 45Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. 46And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.” Those on the left will go into the eternal fire, eternal suffering. And those on the right, we will go on to be with our Lord in a place where there is no suffering.

We all will have suffering on this earth, the big difference between those in Christ and those not in Christ is whether or not we will suffer when we leave this earth. Which side are you on, left or right? Do not be discouraged, you who are on the right, when you are in times of difficulty, God is with you and will be with you until the end. You will one day be in a place of no suffering. But those on the left, the suffering you face today is nothing compared to the eternal suffering that is to come.

The summer months! It’s been a busy summer. June started out in Haiti. I have so many puppy pictures and that’s about it. I did snap a few others, thankfully. Niolita’s birthday was the 3rd and we got to celebrate her. The Schrurers should the Nunes and I around Zanglais (the MEBSH side). We got in some nice views, good quality time, and history lessons. It’s always a pleasure to be with those two families. Rameau and I share a love of beautiful flowers. I had to make him stick one in his ear like me.

On June 22nd, I flew back to the states. Nathan, another agape affiliate, and I were thankful to hitch a ride with Agape. They land in Venice which is not too bad of a drive for Mama and Lenny. It’s always good to travel with someone else, someone that gets that instant culture shock. The last week of June I spent catching up with family and some close friends.

July was again busy. I spoke at several churches, was blessed by a fundraiser at my home church, and caught up with more family and friends. How wonderful to have so many loved ones that it is sometimes hard to fit everyone in. Of course, I had to sneak in some time with fur babies as well. Linda and Ducky don’t mind me being back in the states, it means more love and inside time for the both of them.

The Galbraith crew helped Gigi G move and I got to take sweet Casey girl to her new home. A lot of the RMI Gainesville crew got together and we have a great time. I am so thankful for these team members and their families. I so enjoyed my time with them!

Mama and I visited Epcot and Animal Kingdom for a few days. It has been almost ten years since we were there. It was great to spend some time just the two of us. We ate so much and saw so many beautiful people and things.

Y’all know if we are going to be anywhere that there’s even a hope of a Haitian restaurant we are gonna find it. We found a great place with amazing food. It was fun to catch with the employees who were all Haitian.

I spent the first few weeks of August saying “see you next years” and getting in final snuggles. On the 18th of August, I flew back home. It was an interesting trip. Mama and I were all set to leave her house at 2am on the 18th. At about 11pm on the 17th I got an email saying my flight from Jax to Miami was canceled but my flight from Miami to Port was still on. We figured it out and wound up booking a flight from Tallahassee to Miami instead. The American Airlines customer service had claimed flights were closed due to weather and that ALL flights into Miami were being canceled. Knowing this, we went in with caution (and I didn’t sleep, of course). Thankfully, we got to Tallahassee and everything went smoothly. After that, all other flights were normal. I am not sure why I couldn’t fly out of Jacksonville but I know that God provides. Thankful for His provision and protection throughout this journey and all of my life.

It is good to be home! I have missed my people, my place, my dog, everything so much in these last 2 months. Please continue to pray for me and all of Haiti and her people. Things are hard but we know the King of kings.

As my time for furlough is coming up soon, I am already homesick for Haiti. It makes me sad to think that so many don’t understand the longing that I feel to be in this beautiful country. I feel like all you hear or see about Haiti is negative. There is so much more to Haiti than that. There is so much beauty that is hidden by those that speak about this country. It’s called the Pearl of the Antilles for a reason.

Pearls are interesting things. When you open an oyster, you never know if you will get one or not. In fact, I recently read somewhere that there’s a 1 in 10,000 chance of finding one in the wild. Of course, not everything on the internet is true so we will take that as it is. But regardless, they are rare. And they are beautiful. Part of their beauty is their rareness and the fact that they are hidden in something that doesn’t look so great from the outside.

I didn’t give Haiti the name the Pearl of the Antillies but I do find it fitting. Looking in from the outside, especially with what is reported about Haiti, you may not think that you will find much beauty here. But wow, when you look inside what a wonderful surprise you find. I would say the natural beauty of Haiti is rare in todays world where we work so hard to create manmade beauty. So much of Haiti is still left as God created it.

I have often struggled to describe the wonder that I find while being in Haiti. And I can share hundreds of pictures, (enjoy plenty here in this post) but none will ever truly do it justice. This beauty that requires more than just your sight. It requires all five sense, as well as your heart and soul. It digs its way inside of you and you can’t escape it.

The beauty of this country is so much more than the landscape and views. I have chosen not to share photos of people in this post. But so much of the beauty is the Haitian people. I was speaking with a fellow missionary today (who’s served here almost 50 years) and we were both saying that we feel the relationships we have here are different. You don’t find relationships like this elsewhere. We both admitted to quickly feeling at home when we came here, quickly finding a family. Relationships made here last so much. The Haitian people, my Haitian family and friends, they are remarkable. It is again something that I can explain to you but you will never understand unless you experience it.

I continue to struggle to pinpoint a good explanation to others as to why I love this “pearl” so very much. I know that I love the views, I love the people, I love the food, I love the experiences, I love the culture. I know that I feel God here. I know that this is where He has me. But I cannot describe this to others. However, I can share as much of the beauty as possible. I must say, I have never had someone visit and not be in awe of God’s creation here.

Please, take some time to consider the beauty and wonder of Haiti. I know you only hear the negative when anything is actually reported on, but there is so much positive. Please continue to pray for this country and her people whom I love so very much. Haiti, it’s going to be a hard two months without you. See you soon, si Dye vle.

All photos taken by me or family and friends. Photos range from March 2017 to June 2023.

This month started off with a goodbye. As you saw in last months blog post, Mama and Gigi G visited for a week. Sabina and I took them to the airport on the 2nd to see them off.

You can often catch me walking around my yard taking photos. It may look like the same photo over and over again, but they are all different. Flowers are so beautiful and show God’s creativity. How wonderful to think that the One who clothes the flowers cares for you and me.

I was thankful to go out with another team this month. This team from Creekside in Gainesville came to visit their sister church in Baraderes. Some of the leaders from Baraderes met us at Zanglais. It was a wondeful time for a womens retreat and just to be with one another.

A few months ago, I was asked if I would assist in an educational conference. Two of my coworkers and friends are a part of an organization that is working to help with educational issues here in the South as well as some other issues. I was nervous but excited. As the day came I grew more and more nervous, knowing that not only would I be sharing with teachers more experienced than me, but I was also going to be sharing in a second language. I am so thankful to say that it went well! I enjoyed getting to spend some time with these teachers, discuss ideas, and listen to the other presenter. It still amazes me that even with such different backgrounds, we have such similar experiences.

I always make time to see sunsets and play games with good friends. Sometimes you just need a break! We got to play Monoploy Haiti, which I loved. It was so fun to see the game and all that was put into it to make it specifically Haitian. And of course, I always love watching a sunset from a rooftop, being with a sweet friend only makes it better.

A last minute trip to enter new kids into HFKz means that I got to have an impromptu photoshoot with these adorable littles. It is always a blessing to enter new kids, that means that more can be sponsored! Taking new applications is one of my favorite parts of the job because we typically enter new students at a young age. I just love their little personalities and getting to spend some time with them. The babies on this day were so shy.

It has been another wonderful month. Toward the middle of next month, I will head to the states for about 2 months. Please continue to pray for me as I handle the traveling, planning, and general culture shock that comes with being in the States for me. I am looking forward to seeing so many of you while I am there. Continue to pray for Haiti, the beautiful Haitian people, and the challenges that are constant.

I am running out of ways to start these things. The whole “it’s been a busy month” is getting a little repetitive. But as it seems these last few months have been, it’s been a busy month. It’s a blessing to be busy… part of the fall I longed for these days.

Spend the night parties are our favorite. I am still not sure who gets the most excited out of the three of us. This little lady lights up my world. I am so thankful for her. We had pizza because that is what she wanted. She took sunset pictures and played with Oti and watched movies. The first movie she started watching by herself as I was washing dishes and such. Once I sat down and started listening I asked her if she understood what they were saying. She said no, it’s in French…oops! No complaints from Kambria, though, she was just happy to sit and watch. We enjoyed some snuggles and silly conversations. Otis almost pushed us both off the bed during the night. We love this girl so very much.

Easter fun. The missionaries had sunrise service on the roof again this year. It was a smaller group than some years but still a nice crowd. Halfway through service we had to move inside because of the rain. Then we ate a delicious breakfast. I quickly took a nap afterwards. We had some fun dying eggs that afternoon before wrapping up the day.

MEBSH convention 2023. Convention is a huge deal around here. MEBSH holds it once a year in the spring and as many people that can come from the churches come. They also live stream and are on the radio so those all over Haiti and the world that can’t make it can still participate. Thursday night is missionary service…you can see us sitting up front. It is always fun to listen to the many choirs sing and spend some time in Simon walking around. Vendors come from all over and set up during the week. This year Simon was full again, it hasn’t been for the last few years. On Wednesday, there was a lunch for the pastors and missionaries. Lydianne and I had fun messing around in the kitchen with the pastors wives. We got to wear a cool getup.

Sweet girls from a sweet family. It was bittersweet spending some time with them this morning. I had to get in some last smiles, hugs, and giggles before saying goodbye. What a blessing this family is to so many.

I had visitors! It was wonderful to have Mama visit again and bring Gigi here for the first time. I believe that they both enjoyed their time. We were busy, busy! On Wednesday, we visited Centre Lumiere, another ministry of MEBSH that ministers to women, and a local nursing home. It is always a pleasure to go to the Centre and see the things the ladies are learning there. I had not been to the nursing home in quite a while, they were so sweet and sang many songs to us. On Thurday we visited their sponsored children and passed by Zanglais ministry center on the way back. I love watching sponsors interact with these kids!

We got to spend some good quality time with my family (check out the photos directly above and below). Rameau and Noilita were so happy to see them come in on Tuesday afternoon. Noilita brought her precious baby boy and we spent an afternoon loving on him, we tried to take turns but it’s hard with such a cute baby! He loves Otis and just kept trying to share food with him. Rameau gave lessons on how to properly drink tea, of course he had to throw in some jokes along the way. Sabina was over several times to hang out and even got her hair done, her mom came up to say hi and brought karapina. You can see the two daughters with their two Mamas (above to the left). Noilita gave some cooking lessons. Did you know that if you blow in a coconut it makes it easier to open? When everyone got ready to say goodbye there were a lot of hugs. It is always nice to bring my two families together.

We got in some good scenery, too. We visited the botanical gardens in Cayes. They were beautiful, my first visit as well. We were also invited down to a fellow missionaries home for a tour of their beautiful yard and some yummy treats.

Beach day with my favorites! We enjoyed a day away with Sabina, Lydianne, and 3 of the Nunemakers. Such a good time of fellowship. Everyone knows I love to eat lobster on the beach. We met up with a little cutie who I have seen before at the beach. He told us he was okay with his photo being taken, his shirt says, “ain’t no Mama like the one I got”. Good times with good friends!

On Monday we went to the fair at SEED ministries. It was fun to walk around and see what all was going on. You can also see here Mama with one of my sweet friends and coworkers, everyone here asks about her often and vice versa. Also, check out that spoiled dog…I am sure he didn’t enjoy this week one single bit.. from playing to being fed to extra snuggles and jumping on beds.

Oti corner. Otis just wants to play with lizards and enjoy his time with whoever comes up. I am so thankful to have this silly little guy around. He is always happy to see me and always ready to take a good nap. He loves his people and loves getting snacks.

It has been another blessed month, thanks to the Lord above. Please continue to keep Haiti in your prayers.

March! How in the world is it already March 2023?? It is so crazy looking back over the years at what March has been. Just a few years ago this was the month that the world shut down. It doesn’t seem like so much time has passed. It has been a very busy month and a blessed month.

If you know me well, you know I love animals. I happened to be at Rameaus one afternoon and caught up with all kinds of friends. His dog recently had 4 precious little puppies. They are so cute running around, playing, and causing trouble. He has two Mama pigs. Both had piglets in the last few months. Many are already gone but two or three are still around. Of course, Rameau would not be complete without a cat around. This little one is named Lisa. She follows him EVERYWHERE! It is sweet watching her run around behind him crying for some attention.

Gods blessings come in many ways. This little cutie was at one of the schools we visited this month. I love his toothless grin.. he was hesitant to show me at first. I also love Kerlines smile in the background. How blessed am I to work alongside people that truly love these children. Sunsets always remind me to see God’s handiwork. Everyday is something new and different and beautiful. I just imagine him with a paintbrush taking time to paint the sky for us. Oti is a blessing to me, too. He is always around and shows God’s love to me by reminding me of God’s constant presence.

This little babe goes to a local school. She came to the office on a Friday monring to get her picture taken. I saw her and instantly could tell she was a troublemaker… I asked her if she was and she said yes. Then she ran up and jumped into my arms. She was all over me.. even told her principal that she was going to stay with me. The next Monday, we were at her school. She ran up to me screaming, “my friend!!” Again, she followed me around and was all over me. That Friday was the first time I had ever met her but she saw a soul similar to hers and went for it.

With such a busy month, it is important to take a break. A sweet friend celebrated a birthday this month. We knew that is was already going to be a hectic month for the both of us but we carved out some time to go to the beach together. It is always nice to spend a relaxing day on the beach. We chatted, ate lobster, read our books, and napped. God blessed us with the reminder that even He rested.

School visits are one of my favorite things ever. It is always a pleasure to share this time with team members. We had a team here one week, one of the members works in RMIs home office and she spent a day with us here in Haiti office. I took her to visit the two schools we work with here in Simon. I love seeing the light on the faces of both the kids and the team members…so much love and excitement. Kids always point me to Jesus.

Y’all know I love snacking… mango season is coming! Madam TiJean bought mangoes to make mango jelly for the team…I may have had to taste test some to make sure they were okay. I was craving chocolate chip cookies and made enough to share. So good but also so bad to keep in the house! Rameau enjoyed milk and cookies one morning for breakfast..he is a fan. I love when I have the time to go buy a pate. There is a place in Simon that makes amazing pates and they always accomodate me by making sure there is no ketchup on mine.. it’s the breakfast of champions.

Spend the night parties are our favorite! This little sweetheart has been spending the night with me for almost 5 years. We always have so much fun! It was sweet watching Otis get excited as she came up with her little backpack.. it was as if he knew she was sleeping over. The two of them played for a long time. Kam had to taste test some icing that I made… turns out it was good. Movies and backporch meals made up our time. I have so enjoyed watching this fiesty girl grow. She is so full of energy, love, and excitement. I love the way that she always points to God and she articulates herself so well. Otis loves getting to play and snuggle with her.

A day of celebrations! It was my sweet Rameaus 73rd birthday. I am so thankful to know him and call him a friend and father figure. He is a blessing to me in more ways than I can count. I had to make sure he had chocolate cake and pink candles…gotta keep him happy! Later that afternoon, we held a baby shower for a fellow missionary.

The last week of the month was busy! I was blessed to go out with a team that came in to visit their sister church. This was my first time being in the missionary host role. It was such a wonderful time out in the community and with the team. This sweet team was so patient and gracious with me as I learned to lead them. As always, it was a pleasure to be alongside my RMI family and watch them truly serve with passion. Myself, the guys, the Haitian church, and the American church were truly blessed by this visit.

Please continue to pray for Haiti. There are many problems that the Haitian people are facing between both manmade issues and natural diasters. There are Christian brothers and sisters here who need your prayers and encouragment so that they can continue fighting the fight and bringing the good news to the lost.

Sometimes I feel like I post all the sunshine and rainbows. The beautiful flowers. The joy. The smiles. The uplifting verses and quotes. The good reports. I get comments about how wonderful it all is, about how great I am, about how happy it all seems.

And that isn’t it. Well, it is some of it. But it isn’t all of it. Sometimes there is rain. Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes there is fear. And doubt. Screaming. Pain. Hurt. Sometimes things don’t go well at all. Sometimes it isn’t wonderful, it isn’t happy. And honestly, I am never great.

It is always God who is great. And that is easy to see in the things I share. God is wonderful, He is there in the joy and the beauty. But we forget that He is also there in the pain. He is still God in the hurt.

It is not easy. I am not always the person you see online. There are days that I miss the mark, big time. There is hurt I have caused and hurt others have done to me. There is fear of the future, of the unknown, sometimes of the known. There is doubt that God is truly there. Doubt that He is with me. Doubt that I am where He wants me. There are tears. So many tears, sometimes more than I have. I make mistakes culturally, lingistically, spiritually, emotionally. I hurt my Haitian brothers and sisters, my fellow missionaries, and my family and friends in the states. I don’t answer the phone. I speak without thinking. I long for a better day. I’m not content in where He has me. This is the reality.

The reality still includes those wonderful days. It includes the joy and smiles. The reality is knowing God is with me, knowing I am where He has me in all aspects of my life. It is being able to minister to my Haitian brothers and sisters, my fellow missionaries, and my family and friends in the states. It is what I share online.

The reality is both of those things wrapped up together. Sometimes it is 50/50, sometimes it is different. Both sides sometimes outweigh the other. The reality is that what you see is not always real. The true reality is that I struggle. And you struggle. And sometimes we put up a front that we do not struggle. That causes others to see us and feel alone in their struggling. But none of us are alone. We all have bad times. They may look different but they are there.

Please, know that I struggle. Do not allow me to cause you to feel alone. Do not allow me to cause you to feel less than. Allow me to take this time and say to you, I see you, I feel you, I am you. God can use my struggle and yours. But we cannot hide it from one another.

Do you struggle?

I cannot believe February is over. It feels as though this month as flown by. I almost can’t remember what happened this month as if it was a dream.

One thing that is crazy about missionary life is getting to know the other missionaries, hearing about their family and friends. You feel like you know the ins and outs of their life even when you have never met these people. So it is always a pleasure when a missionaries family comes to visit. I hear so much about the family it is nice to put a face to it! A sweet friends family came to visit and I was thankful to spend an afternoon with them at a waterfall about an hour away. So much fun!

Typically each week the missionary ladies get together to spend a few hours in fellowship and snacking. It is always a joy to spend time together. Sometimes I help lead worship for Wednesday night service. I always like to be well practiced even if I know that Lee is going to change it up at the last minute. Mama and Gigi drove a cooler down to Agape for me. I was so excited to get some treats that I don’t get around here. A nice steak! Heavenly.

Little blessings in life bring joy. Rameau may pretend he doesn’t like pictures or to sit and chat but he will always do so for me. Otis loves getting toys from Mama and can’t wait to show them off to anyone who shows up. I got to spend some time with Noilita’s precious baby boy. Mamas know how to calm down a crying baby…even if they don’t speak the same language. I am not sure who of the 3 of us enjoys our sleepovers more.

Family photos! I cannot begin to explain how thankful I am for Noilita, Sabina, Rameau, and Oti. They are my family and I love that they have become each others family as well. We all look out for each other. There is never a lack of love around my house.

Thank you for always thinking of us, praying for us, and encouraging us. Times can be hard but God is good.